Betrayal
by kirstencohen
Summary: Kirsten doesn't take Sandy's confession well
1. Broken

**Hope you like it. **

**Kandy angst.**

Chapter 1

Kirsten walked down her driveway in a daze. The light from inside the house shone brightly behind her but it was pitch black in front. She took steady breaths as she tried to comprehend what she'd just been told. When she got to the bottom of the driveway she felt her feet sinking into the soil. The sprinklers had been on so the grass was soaking wet. She looked down and saw that she was barefoot. She didn't care. She fell to her knees allowing the mud to seep through her jeans. Her shoulders shook and tears streamed down her face. She desperately tried to wipe them away but they just kept coming. Gradually her sobbing subsided and she stood up. She wiped away the last of the tears and turned back to the house. She saw her husband sitting on the front step with his head in his hands. She didn't look at him as she passed him by.

She made her way through the house and up to her bedroom leaving a muddy trail of footprints behind her. She crawled across her bed and lay down not caring that the dirt from her sodden clothes was soaking into their $2000 sheets. She pulled her pillow close to her and closed her eyes trying to block out the images that raced through her mind.

Sandy watched his wife break down on the front lawn. He placed his head in his hands and let the tears fall. He was ashamed. He saw her hunched over in the darkness weeping in pain because of him. She seemed to be consumed in the shadows. He was the one causing the pain and he didn't think he could take it. He felt his wife brush past him and into the house. He turned and saw brown grubby footprints lead up to their bedroom. He followed them up the stairs and into the room where he found his wife curled in a ball on the bed. He stood in the doorway watching her lie there motionless for a minute before entering the room as quietly as he could. He couldn't stand back and gaze at her in so much anguish. He had to help her. Make it all better. He sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her.

Kirsten felt the mattress dip slightly to the right. She opened her eyes and saw him sitting there. His eyes were red and swollen and he looked worn out. He reached out to touch her but she moved away. She swung her legs off of the bed and marched into the bathroom. She slammed the door behind her and she flung herself onto the back of it. She crouched down onto her heels and covered her face with her hands. She shook violently and ended up a heap on the floor. Sandy knocked gently on the door.

He could hear her body sliding down the back of the door. He could hear her crying softly. He could hear her thud as she landed heavily on the floor. Everything suddenly went silent. He got up and knocked on the door.

No answer.

He knocked more loudly this time.

No answer.

He turned the handle and pushed the door open slightly. He found his wife lying in a ball on the floor. He bent down and stroked her hair. She shoved his hand away in disgust, "Don't touch me."

**Anyone have any idea what happened? I'll update asap. But only if you let me know if you want more chapters.**


	2. Tears

**Hope you like**

Chapter 2

Kirsten was still lying in a ball on the bathroom floor. She opened her eyes slowly. Her body was stiff and her back ached. Her robe was draped on top of her. Sandy must've covered her during the night. She sat up carefully and saw that Sandy was sitting close to her leaning against the wall sleeping. Kirsten got shakily to her feet and saw that she was still covered in mud. She could feel herself shiver in the cold and she went into her bedroom. The bed was also caked with mud. She began to rip off the sheets and throw them into a pile before taking them downstairs to the laundry room.

Sandy woke up to find his wife gone. The spot where she lay most of the night was empty. He went into their bedroom and saw that their dirty sheets had been cleared from the bed. His head ached and his throat was dry. He'd spent most if the night watching Kirsten. He saw her shiver in her sleep and he found her robe to keep her warm. He checked his cell and saw that he had seven missed calls. Rachel. His eyes welled as he saw her name. How could he do it to Kirsten? He loved her so much. He switched off his cell and placed it on the chest of drawers.

The kitchen was empty. It had been for over three months now. She missed her boys but for the first time since they both fled she was glad they weren't here to witness this. She loaded the sheets into the machine. Her throat was dry so she poured herself a glass of water. She sat down at the island and put her head in her hands. She sighed loudly trying to control the tears that were beginning to creep down her cheeks. The night before she was more shocked than anything. When he told her she couldn't move. She closed her eyes and stood rooted to the spot. He tried to wrap his arms around her but she flinched away. She turned and slowly walked out the front door into the darkness. Now she could feel the anger building up inside her. She gripped the glass in her hand tightly. She tried to push the images out if her mind by focusing on the glass. She placed it on the table and watched small beads of condensation slink down the side. She counted them: one, two, three, four... It didn't work. The thoughts kept creeping in. She picked up the glass and concentrated harder: five, six, seven, eight... It still didn't work. She felt like she was going to explode. She took the glass and threw it hard across the room. It shattered into a million pieces on the floor. She got up and went out to the pool house. She had been it twice since Ryan left. Once to strip the bed and clean his sheets and the second time was to gather some of Ryan's things he wanted her to take to Chino for him. When she opened the door a musty smell leaked out. She opened the doors wide and opened the blinds to allow some more light and fresh air in. She looked around and saw that the only thing that was left of Ryan's was a photo of Marissa. It sat unaccompanied on his bedside table.

Sandy jumped at the sound of breaking glass. He listened carefully but everything was silent. He made his way downstairs and found glass all over the floor in a puddle of water. He checked the den and the living room for his wife but he couldn't find her anywhere. He ran to the front door afraid she'd run off somewhere but her car was still there. He pressed redial to check if she's called anyone but the last call was to wherever Kirsten ordered in from the night before. He went back to the kitchen and checked the garden. He had to explain. It was a mistake. He loved her more than anything. He didn't know how to fix this but he knew he wouldn't stop until she forgave him.

Kirsten pulled off her top and jeans. She refused to go to her own bathroom since she knew he was there in a stupor. She walked over to the bathroom and switched on the shower. She turned the temperature on full. She climbed in and let the water beat down on her back. The water was scalding but she didn't care. She stood under the jet until she could feel the water begin to cool. She looked down at her arms and body. It was red but the water was rapidly going cold. She sat down under the gush of water and allowed herself to cry. Her tears got lost in the stream of water streaking over her face. The water was ice cold and she began to shiver. She reached up and turned the water off. She balanced her head on her knees and wiped the water out of her eyes. When she climbed out of the shower she heard him calling her name. He must've seen her dirty clothes on the floor. She wrapped a towel around herself and marched out of the bathroom, "Going to work?" she asked sternly.

"Of course not."

"Why not? Oh I'm sorry isn't she in today?"

"Kirsten we need to talk."

"I don't wanna talk to you." Kirsten pushed by her husband and made her way into the garden. Her feet were still wet and as she got to the door she felt her feet slide away from her. As she went down she felt strong arms grab her and lift her back onto her feet. Sandy had his arms around her waist and she pushed herself away from him hurriedly. "Don't fucking touch me!" She yelled and proceeded into the house.

Kirsten fought to hide the tears forming in her eyes but when she got to the kitchen she felt small prickles on her left foot. She jumped back and saw that she had walked straight into the glass that covered the floor. She looked closely at the sole of her foot and saw that there were only a few cuts. Sandy ran in and immediately began to sweep up the glass. "Leave it." She ordered, "If I wanted it swept up I would've done it myself." Sandy looked up at his wife confused as she went upstairs to their bedroom.

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	3. Rain

**Hope you like.**

Chapter 3

Kirsten sat in the driver's seat of her car. The key was in the ignition but she hadn't turned the engine on yet. She stared at the front door of the manor. Her face was expressionless. She just kept on staring. A name kept going through her mind.

Rachel.

She closed her eyes and breathed in trying to push out the images.

Rachel.

She could see the scene in her head.

_His eyes scan her body_.

Kirsten closed her eyes.

_She can see him watching her._

Kirsten breathed out.

_She can see him move closer. He reaches out and pulls her near. She leans in and plants her lips firmly on his. She pulls back and begins, "What about...?" but he interrupts her by placing his finger on her lips. "Shhh." He says soothingly and shakes his head._

Kirsten fought the tears back.

_He lifts her of her feet and she wraps her legs around his waist. She starts to unbutton his shirt and he responds by placing butterfly kisses along her collarbone..._

She couldn't fight back the tears anymore. She'd replayed the scene in her head a million times. The night her life fell apart. She placed her head on the steering wheel and watched her tears fall onto her lap. She saw a flash and a crash of thunder sounded outside and she sat up. Drops of rain were pounding on the windscreen. She wiped away the tears and checked her make up in the rear view mirror only she wasn't wearing any. Her hair was hanging limply on her shoulders and she was wearing her most comfortable jeans and baggy t-shirt. She turned the ignition and guided the car out of the driveway.

Sandy stood at the window staring down at his wife. She had been sitting there for fifteen minutes. He saw her lower her head into the steering wheel and her shoulders shook. Sandy grimaced and sat down. He thought about his night of infidelity with Rachel.

_She sat on his desk in front of him and smiled, "All work and no play makes Sandy a dull boy." He closed his eyes and tried to get up but she pushed his shoulders back down and she straddled his lap. "Shhh..." she soothed and placed her finger on his lips. She shook her head and leaned in closer._

He opened his eyes and saw his reflection in the mirror.

_She began to unbutton his pants and he pulled back, "I can't..." he whispered but she stifled him by kissing him forcefully on the lips._

Lightening illuminated the room and his reflection lit up. He picked up a photo of him and Kirsten and threw it through the mirror. He couldn't bear to look at himself anymore. The glass shattered and fell to the ground in a heap. He walked over to it and picked up the photo out of the broken frame. It was taken when they were in Berkeley. It was at New Year and they were both staring into each other's eyes. They had no idea that it was being taken. As he stared down at the photo drops of salty tears splattered onto Kirsten in the picture. He fell to his knees and screamed at the top of his voice hoping it would release some of the shame he was carrying. It didn't help. He heard thunder again in the distance. He got to his feet and began to pick up the larger shards of glass.

Kirsten drove through the torrential rain in a blur. She couldn't see three feet in front of her but she kept going. She didn't even know of she was on her way to the office or not. Tears hazed her eyes and she gripped the steering wheel harder. Suddenly the car began to skim over a large puddle and she lost control of the car. She could feel the wheels slip away and she closed her eyes. It came to a sudden stop and when she opened her eyes she saw that she had collided with a tree. She felt a warm trickle fall down her face. She reached up and saw that she had a cut on her forehead. She got out and checked there was no one else hurt and when she was sure there wasn't any she headed back toward the manor. She didn't try to shelter herself from the rain. She just kept walking. Her arms by her side. A car pulled up next to her, "Hey lady! You need a ride? Was that your car back there? I can give you a ride or I could call emergency breakdown for you." Kirsten simply stared at the man, "Hey you're bleeding. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I think I'll jut walk thanks." She said with an appreciative smile. She continued to walk down the road. She shivered in the cold but she didn't care. The rain hid her tears. When she broke up with Jimmy she used to prey and wait forever for the rain to fall. She could stand out in the rain and no one would know. They would never know she was hurting. She was supposed to be strong. She could pretend she was stronger than this. It washed away all the pain inside. She didn't need to cry all the time. It was only the rain. She walked for ten minutes before she arrived home. She pushed the door open and walked indoors. She pulled off her coat and shoes and made her way upstairs. She caught her reflection in the hallway mirror and saw that the cut was still bleeding. When she got to her bedroom she found Sandy on his knees nursing a cut on his hand. He was finishing fixing a bandage over his hand when he looked up. He got quickly to his feet and wrapped his arms around her, "Are you okay? What happened?" She looked at him blankly and didn't move. Sandy ran and grabbed a towel. He pulled it around her tightly and rubbed her arms in attempt to generate some heat. She stood there still staring at him expressionlessly. "Can I clean that cut for you?" he asked tentatively. She didn't answer him. She went over and sat next to the first aid kit. He took this as a good sign and kneeled in front of her. "Please tell me what happened." She winced as he wiped over the cut with an alcoholic wipe and closed her eyes. He gave up and quietly placed a small square bandage over the gash. He closed the first aid kit and looked at his wife. She was shivering uncontrollably. He pulled the towel from her shoulders and attempted to wring her hair out. He gave up with that and he simply pushed the hair out of her face. He pulled of her soaking wet socks and threw them toward the door. He dried her feet with the towel but it was too wet so her fetched another one. He kneeled up again and his face was close to hers. She stared into his eyes and he unbuttoned the first button on her now soaked shirt. She didn't pull back. He leaned in kissed her gently on the lips. She kissed him back and he pushed her back onto the bed.

Kirsten ran her hands through his hair as he kissed her neck and she saw him with Rachel. He was touching her. She pulled him up and placed his kips on hers trying to block the images but he moved down again. She saw him kissing Rachel she imagined that this was how it was with Rachel. He kissed her again and she couldn't breathe. Her chest constricted. She pushed him off of her and she flew out of the room. She ran into Seth's empty room and threw herself onto the back of the door and huddled onto her knees again. Every time she pictured her husband she saw Rachel lurking in the background. Every time she felt him touch her she wondered if he'd touched Rachel like that. When he kissed her she knew that his lips had also been on Rachel's. She wanted to cry and scream but this time there was no rain to wash it all away.

_I've been walking in the footsteps_

_Of societies lies_

_I don't like what I see no more_

_Sometimes I wish I were blind_

_Sometimes I wait forever to stand out in the rain _

_So no one sees me crying _

_Trying to wash away the pain_

_Bon Jovi Keep The Faith_

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	4. Photos

**Hope you like**

Chapter 4

Sandy woke with a start. He squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light coming from the lamp on his desk. He looked around and realised that he was still in his study. The clock to his right told him that it was seven thirty. He had barely seen Kirsten since they kissed two days ago. She would wake up in the morning and go straight to her car. Sandy knew she hadn't been going to work as Caleb had called several times to find out where she was. Sandy would stay in his study all day next to the phone in case Seth or Ryan called. Still no word from Seth. Ryan had called a few days ago to check in. Sandy had lied and made out everything was great trying to swallow the lump that had formed in the back of his throat. Tears stung his eyes when he asked where Kirsten was. He couldn't tell him the truth. That he had no idea. He again lied to his son and said she was still at work. Ryan had accepted this and went on to tell him that Theresa was doing fine after the miscarriage. "I don't wanna leave her just yet. She's still pretty shaken." Sandy nodded and agreed, "Support her as much as she needs, Ryan." He was glad Ryan had his own problems to worry about. He didn't want Ryan to come from another broken home. He would have to fix this. And soon. Sandy rubbed the sleep from his eyes and got up to make another coffee. He saw that he had four missed calls on his cell. All from Rachel. He wanted desperately to turn off his cell but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't know why. He heard a noise in the hall and he went out to inspect. He found Kirsten walking past him and out to the pool house again. He tried to ignore the stench of liquor that surrounded her.

Sandy poured a cup of coffee never taking his eyes off of the light coming from the pool house. He poured another and slowly started out of the house toward the dim light. He stopped at the door and listened. There was nothing but silence. He knocked on the door but there was no answer. He tried the handle and it turned. He pushed the door open cautiously not knowing what to expect. He found Kirsten sitting on the edge of the bed with something in her hands. Her head was down, her hair covering her expression. "Kirsten?" He said gently. She didn't move. She just went on staring. He walked toward here and put the two cups of coffee onto the dresser next to her. When he looked down at her hands he saw the picture of them at New Years that he'd thrown through the mirror. "Kirsten?" he asked again. She looked up slowly and whispered, "How could you do it?"

Kirsten lay on the bed in the pool house. It was her new sanctuary. She managed to cut herself off from the world in there. She unplugged the phone and locked the doors. Sandy couldn't get in and she was glad of that. She refused to stay in the same room as him any longer than she needed. She stared up at the ceiling imagining how many times Ryan had done what she was doing now. When she arrived home that day she saw something on the floor of the hall. She stooped down to pick it up and she saw that it was a photo of her and Sandy at New Years. He had no idea that it was being taken. She saw her mother direct the camera at them and click. They were both laughing. She couldn't remember why but she knew that at that time it was the probably the happiest they had ever been. She straightened up and made her way through the house with the photo in her hands. She passed Sandy who was standing outside his study. She saw that he had dark circles under his eyes and his hair looked greasy and unkempt. Part of her wanted to forgive him and let it all go back to normal but another part of her wanted to cut him out forever. She couldn't comprehend how he could sabotage his entire family as easily as he did.

When she reached the pool house she didn't bother to lock the doors. Sandy would never come out anyway. She settled onto the edge of the bed never taking her eyes off of the photo. It was taken when she was pregnant with Seth. Her cheeks were rosy and flushed, probably because she had just finished giving Sandy his New Year kiss. Her face was lit up as she looked up adoringly at her husband. She turned her attention to Sandy. He was grinning wildly and his eyes were sparkling. She had never seen him so handsome. It was the entire atmosphere that got her. How could two people possibly be as happy as they looked in that moment? Kirsten reached up trying to chase the runaway tears that escaped from her eyes. It would never go back to normal. It couldn't. Her thoughts were interrupted by a gentle voice in the doorway, "Kirsten?" She didn't have to look up to know who it was. She tightened her grip on the photo and let the tears glisten in her eyes. He was standing in front of her now, "Kirsten?" She looked up slowly and saw the worry etched in his face. "How could you do it?"

Now she sat in the pool house in the dark. No light was coming from the house. She just sat there in the middle of the bed, legs crossed in front of her. The photo was crumpled in her left hand. She looked down at the ball of paper. She placed it in front of her and smoothed it out as best she could but the creases were still there. No matter how hard she tried the cracks would always appear. She picked up the photo and threw it across the room. She jumped off the bed and grabbed the lamp on the bedside table and she smashed it to the ground. The bulb lit up suddenly as it shattered into a million pieces. Kirsten saw Sandy's insane grin that he wore in the photo and she over turned the mattress. She pulled out the drawers and threw them wildly across the room. She knocked the bedside table over on to its side and watched her wedding ring roll across the floor and disappear under the bed. She fell to her knees and she reached for the scrunched up photo. She could barely look at it anymore. She tore it down the middle splitting the Kirsten and Sandy in the picture forever.

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**Should i keep going or has it gone downhill?**


	5. Son

**Hope you like. I know I'm over doing Kirsten's reaction but that's beauty of fan fics. It doesn't have to be that realistic so just enjoy.**

Chapter 5

Kirsten felt strong arms surround her and lift her onto the bed. She tried desperately to squirm away but she was still trying to wake up properly, "Get your fucking hands of me Sandy!" She yelled.

"Shhh it's okay it's me. Shhh." Kirsten heard a familiar voice soothe. She opened her eyes fully and stared up at her son's concerned expression, "Ryan?" She said incredulously, "What...?"

"I knew something was going on with you guys. Sandy was being too upbeat on the phone..." he paused and looked around the room, "Uh Kirsten? What the hell happened to my pool house?" Kirsten sat up suddenly and saw that the place was still trashed from her tantrum earlier, "I'm sorry Ryan I... I... I'll clean it up." She made to get up off the bed but Ryan pushed her back down, "It can wait. What's going on? How did you get that cut on your forehead?" He asked feeling the suspicion build inside him. "Ryan, It's not what you think... I crashed my car."

"So what's going on with you two then?" Kirsten looked down at her hands, "It's uh... something you should probably hear from Sandy." She said quietly. Ryan frowned, "But I asked you. I'd rather hear it from you. What's going on," he asked again. Kirsten could sense the panic in his voice, "He slept with Rachel." She said in a low tone. It was the first time she had said it out loud. Hearing herself say it made it seem more real. She had been living in a dream world for the past week. Walking around the manor in a daze. This made it all come rushing toward her. "He had an affair?" Ryan asked dumbfounded. Kirsten nodded and looked down again. She was surprised to find that Ryan had wrapped his arms around her tightly and pulled him close to him. She felt the tears prickle at her eyes but this time it wasn't because of her husband. It was the pure joy of seeing her son in the flesh after months of quick phone calls to "check-in." Ryan pulled back from Kirsten and studied her face tiring to read her expression, "How you taking it?" he asked before glancing around the room again. Kirsten followed his gaze and when he looked at her again he saw her smiling, "Stupid question?" he asked and Kirsten nodded sadly. "How's Theresa?"

"She's fine but we can talk about that later... What about Seth?" Ryan asked.

"Still no word."

"I can go look for him," Ryan said determined.

"For what? So he can come home and witness his parent's marriage fall apart? No he's better off where he is and... you were better off in Chino. I don't want you here to see this."

"See what? What are you saying?" Kirsten looked down again but this time Ryan placed his finger under her chin and forced her gaze upon him. "I don't know." She answered softly.

* * *

"How could you do it Sandy?" Ryan asked sternly as his foster father sat behind his desk looking less than composed. He saw that his skin was a light shade of grey and his eyes had grown dark and hollow, "It was stupid. I know that. I just need to talk to her. She has to let me explain." He said as got up from his desk in a hurry but Ryan placed his hands on his shoulders and forced him back down, "You can't go see her now. Not like this. You're exhausted and she's still pretty pissed off." Sandy sat down again and sighed loudly, "What can I do?" Ryan remained silent as Sandy stared up at him pleadingly, "What can I do, Ryan?"

* * *

The next day Ryan sat in the kitchen waiting for either one of them to wake up and come in for breakfast, "She won't come in here anymore." Ryan turned and saw Sandy standing in the doorway looking somewhat better than he had last night. "Who?" He asked stupidly.

"Kirsten. She never comes in here until she knows I'm gone." Ryan poured the rest of his coffee down the drain before sitting back at the table, "You guys have to talk sometime."

"I know that. But you can't force it." Ryan frowned at Sandy before he continued to explain to his son, "Just something I've learned over the past few days." He smiled at Ryan who continued to stare at his hands, "Look Ryan I get it. You're pissed at me right? I don't blame you I'm pissed at me too." Sandy was interrupted by his cell phone vibrating on the table next to Ryan. Sandy lunged to answer it but Ryan was too quick. He glanced at called id before answering, "Yeah?"

Silence.

"Yeah he's a little busy with his _wife_ right now." He said sternly stressing the word _"wife."_

Pause.

"Yeah I'll see he gets that message." Ryan flipped the phone closed and slammed it hard onto the counter, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO MAN?"

"Ryan let me explain." Sandy pleaded.

"What? So you're still seeing her? Is that it?"

"No I haven't seen her since..."

"Since you slept with her? Yeah sure so why does she keep calling you?"

"I don't answer when she calls. I promise." Sandy reached for the phone but Ryan swept it into his hands, "Yeah? Really? So I guess you won't mind me doing this?" He yelled before smashing the phone to the ground and watching it shatter into pieces. Ryan looked up at Sandy before marching across the broken cell and out to the pool house.

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	6. Out

**Sorry I know it's been a long time but here you are Chapter 6. As always R&R.**

Chapter 6

As Sandy watched his son storm out toward the pool house he felt an enormous relief. He looked at the broken remains of his cell and it was as though a weight had been lifted. He would never have to hear from her again. He didn't know why he hadn't smashed the phone himself. He didn't know why he needed someone to do it for him. He looked out toward the pool house again and saw Ryan sitting on the edge of the bed. Sandy looked down at his cell and bent down to pick up the broken pieces. He threw them into the trash before making his way to his study. He sat behind the desk and pulled a notepad toward him. He wrote the address and date at the top. He continued;

"_Effective immediately I resign my position in Partridge, Savage and Conn._

_Sincerely_

_Sanford Cohen."_

Kirsten woke up to find Ryan sitting on the edge of the bed. "Morning." He said softly.

"Hey." She answered, "Where is he?"

"In the kitchen the last time I saw him." He replied. Kirsten smiled and sat up.

"I know I have to talk to him sometime... I just wanna know what I wanna say and... I don't think I do yet." Ryan nodded. He realised how difficult it would be for her to sit down and have a conversation with him. It was strange and almost heartbreaking to see the most perfect couple being torn apart by one stupid mistake. It seemed wrong for them not to be together. He knew in his heart that without each other they would crumble. Kirsten was Sandy's crutch and he knew she felt the same about him. But they would work it out. He knew they would. When he was a child he gave up on living a happy life with the one person you loved more than anything but after being around Kirsten and Sandy for so long he had started to believe again. He had invested all his hopes in their marriage and now it was shattered.

Almost.

Maybe he could still save it. He tried again, "Do you love him, Kirsten?" She looked at him wide eyed; surprised that he would ask such a forward question. She nodded silently and saw his expression soften. "Could you ever forgive him?" he pressed. He wanted to reach inside and find something to help her remember the man she married. She didn't answer. Instead she closed her eyes and pulled her hair out of her face. He stared at her searchingly. She saw him staring and she answered, "I don't know. Maybe." Ryan felt a wave of relief wash over him. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe it would go back to normal. He eyed her searchingly. She sighed and lay back down again. "Okay get dressed." He said suddenly. Kirsten frowned.

"For what?"

"We're going out. You haven't been out in ages."

"Ryan I went out yesterday."

"Where?"

"Nowhere in particular. I just drove around for a while."

"Well today we're going OUT out. So go get dressed, it's almost eleven."

Ryan made the bed and threw the contents of his backpack onto the bed. He pulled open the drawers to put his clothes away but instead he found neat rows of Kirsten's tops. He pulled open the nest drawer and found her pyjamas. She had moved out. He threw his crumpled clothes back into his backpack and closed the drawers, "Come on Kirsten. What's taking so long?"

"I'm ready." She said triumphantly, "So what did you have in mind?" she asked. Ryan raised his eyebrows, "Uh... well... I was thinking that maybe... you could decide. Yeah it's up to you. What do you wanna do?" he was so preoccupied trying to think of ways to get Kirsten and Sandy to sit down together that he didn't come up with anything for them to do. Kirsten frowned.

"Well, Ryan, I like tanning, shopping and lunching. You don't exactly seem like the shopping, tanning and lunching kinda guy." She smiled. He realised it was the first real smile he'd got from her since he arrived.

"Well I'm not so sure. I mean I can eat. How about option number three? Lunching? Or since it's only eleven thirty brunching?"

"Hey Newport's rubbing off on you." She laughed. Ryan beamed at the sound of her chuckling. He was making her laugh and it meant everything to him. He just didn't realise how much before now. She went toward him and linked her arm in his, "So how does it feel being my escort for the day?"

"I could've done worse." He smiled replicating Sandy's words when he first met him. "So let's go." He made to move out of the pool house but Kirsten froze. She was staring fixedly at the kitchen trying to see inside, "Kirsten?" Ryan asked.

"Uh... maybe."

"Want me to check he's not there?" he offered. She nodded softly.

"I'll follow you in a minute." She answered.

Ryan went into the main house and found a half empty mug of coffee sitting on the counter. It looked as though it may have been the same one Sandy had been drinking earlier. He noticed the shattered remains of the cell phone were gone. He checked the study and found that it was empty. He looked out at the driveway and saw that Sandy's car was gone. Ryan didn't want to think where too. He heard Kirsten calling behind him, "Hey where are you?"

"I'm at the front door. Come on or it will be a lunch date."

Sandy sat in his car holding the envelope in his hands. He stared at the post box. He undid his seatbelt. That was the first step. He wasn't scared about losing his job. He didn't enjoy it anyway. He was built to be a public defender. It was something else and he was petrified even to think it. If he quit the firm he may never se her again. Was that a good or a bad thing? Did he care? Would he really miss her? No. He knew he wouldn't. He didn't care about Rachel. He didn't love her. Just her body. The fact that someone that looked how she looked could possibly be attracted to him. It was invigorating. He opened the car door. Step two.

"So what happened with you and Theresa? You never got to telling me." Kirsten said over her garden salad. Ryan played with the lettuce on his plate. "She ran away."

"What?"

"I got home from work one day and she was gone. Her mom said she went to Atlanta and that the baby wasn't mine." Kirsten stared back open mouthed.

"So you came home?" she asked.

"No. I stayed with Eva for a while but when I talked to Sandy. I knew something was wrong. That's why I came home."

"How did you know something was wrong?"

"You could just tell. His voice quivered whenever I mentioned your name and was constantly talking a mile a minute about... I don't know what. I could just tell I guess." Kirsten nodded and continued with her salad. Ryan sat back in his chair and pushed his plate away. "Aren't you hungry?" Kirsten asked.

"Uh... nah I don't really have much of an appetite."

"You don't need an appetite it's a sala... Oh it's a salad. Why didn't you say something?"

"What do you mean?"

"We'll go somewhere else. Wherever you want."

"Nah Kirsten honestly it's fine."

He was still protesting as Kirsten ordered two large slices of pepperoni pizza and two cokes. She handed him the first slice and paid the man at the cart six dollars. They proceeded down the pier in silence. "So..." Ryan began but the cheese from his pizza began to stretch and dribble down his chin. Kirsten laughed and cleaned him with a napkin. "So..." he began again, "are you gonna talk to him?" Kirsten didn't answer. She made her way to the side. She looked out at the surf and sipped her coke, "Well?" Ryan asked again. She continued to look out to sea. She turned to a garbage can and dumped her pizza. "Not yet." She said determinedly, "But I will." Ryan nodded. He finished his pizza and drained his coke. "So that was lunch... or brunch whatever you wanna call it. What now?"

"We could go home." Kirsten suggested.

"No this is your OUT out day. How about some drinks?"

"It's twelve thirty in the afternoon." Kirsten reasoned.

"Yeah and we live at Newport Beach. Everybody's a borderline alcoholic." He joked. Kirsten smiled and looked around.

"Where d'you wanna go? Not the Lighthouse. That's the last place..."

"What about La Roca? They make a mean Margarita. Or so I've been told."

"Uh huh." She answered sceptically, "Okay then Mr Atwood lead the way." They both walked down the pier toward the terracotta building with the heading, "La Roca." As they neared the bar they saw that there were only another two parties inside. A blonde woman in deep conversation with a man in a business suit and two red heads giggling over fish bowl sized Blue Lagoon's. Kirsten seated herself at a small table and let Ryan order the drinks. She heard a familiar voice behind her.

"The partners are desperate to get you on board."

Kirsten spun around and saw the blonde woman more clearly. Her sparkling blue eyes and bright smile were all too familiar. Kirsten spun back around. She didn't know what to do. She remembered that this was where she found Sandy and Rachel gulping down margaritas one night. She realised this is where she convinced people to join the firm. She saw Ryan eyeing her suspiciously and she shook her head slightly. She made to get up off her chair but as she stepped around the table she bumped into the man in the business suit. "Oh I'm sorry. I wasn't looking." He apologised.

"No it was me. I'm sorry." Kirsten struggled to get away but the man had a strong grip on her arm.

"Are you okay you look a little startled. Do you want to sit down?"

"NO really I'm fine I just have to..."

"Kirsten?"

Kirsten spun around to find Rachel staring at her red faced. She felt Ryan beside her, "Kirsten, let's go." The man still clung to her arm obviously forgetting to let go. Ryan pulled his hand away, "Let her go, man." The man pulled away instantly surprised at his threatening tone.

"Kirsten, I'm sorry." She heard Rachel say. Ryan was trying to usher her out of the bar but she pulled free of his grip.

"Sorry?" she said in a low tone. "You're sorry? Well you know what, Rachel? Sorry doesn't cut it." Kirsten voice was rising with very word. Ryan was tugging on her sleeve.

"Come on let's go."

"NO! SHE IS GONNA HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY! You have single handedly torn my family apart. You have ruined my marriage. You've ruined my life and you're SORRY? Why? Because you did it or BECAUSE YOU GOT CAUGHT?"

Rachel reached out in attempt to quieten her down but Kirsten flung her hand out and slapped her hard on the side of her face. The man reached out to stop Kirsten but Ryan caught him before he could get near, "Touch her and you'll have me to answer to."

"If you EVER go anywhere near MY husband again. I swear I will kill you." Kirsten screamed. The two red head's looked up to watch the drama. Ryan had placed himself between the women.

"Come on Kirsten let's GO!" He managed to pull Kirsten out of the bar before she could say anything else. She was still fighting to get back inside when they reached the edge of the sidewalk but she was becoming weaker with every second. She eventually collapsed into his arms, "Look what she's done to us, Ryan. Look what she's done."

**Please Review.**


	7. Love

**Here you go. Two updates within days of each other! I'm getting better huh? Enjoy.**

Chapter 7

They drove home in silence. Kirsten could feel Ryan's sideways glances boring into her. She turned on the radio to try and drown out the buzzing in her head. Ryan turned the volume down low, "Kirsten?" he asked carefully. She turned to look at him and saw the concern on his face. "Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked.

"No." She answered simply. She turned to look out of the window.

"I think you should talk to him."

"No."

"Kirsten, this could be the perfect time. You're angry right now."

"Exactly. I don't wanna talk to him when I'm angry."

"Why not."

"Because. I can't"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I CAN'T!"

"Kirsten. You have to let him see how much he's hurt you."

"That's exactly what I don't WANT him to see. Do you think I wanna let him see me like this? Why do you think I moved into the pool house? I don't want him to see what a mess I've become because of him and that stupid... SLUT!" Kirsten stopped, realising she was yelling at the only person keeping her sane these days, "I'm sorry Ryan. I just... can't

"Okay." Ryan pulled into the driveway and took the key from the ignition. "Want me to go check where he is? I mean his car's back so..."

"No. It's fine. I can't hide forever." Kirsten pushed open the door and steadied herself. She could feel her legs shaking beneath her. She felt as though she would fall if she took another step. Ryan took her elbow.

"You okay?" he asked, "You've went kinda white."

"No I'm fine. I'm just... I think that pizza's given me a stomachache. That's all." Ryan nodded but continued to grip her elbow. They made their way into the hall. Kirsten realised she was tiptoeing. When she saw Ryan eyeing her suspiciously she straightened up and made her way down the hall.

Sandy hung up the phone. He'd had a hard time explaining to his boss why he was leaving. He had put it down to family commitments. So that was it. He was officially unemployed, his son was pissed at him, the other was off sailing the ocean and his wife could barely stand to be in the same room as him. He ran a hand through his greasy hair and sighed loudly. He would have to fix this. He wasn't seeing Rachel anymore, not even on a professional basis. She had no way of contacting him except for the house phone and he knew she would never call that number. As he twisted his wedding band on his left hand he heard the sound of footsteps coming from the hall. He got up off his chair and pulled open the door,

"Kirsten."

She heard a croaky voice next to her. She turned and saw her husband standing in the doorway of his study. She didn't answer him. She just stared. His eyes were dark and he hadn't shaved or washed for days. She didn't know what to say. "Can we talk?" he asked. Kirsten started to walk again but Sandy grabbed her arm, "Please." Ryan, who was on her other side, gave Kirsten a nod and squeezed her hand before making his way out to the pool house. Kirsten turned to face him.

"What?" she asked sternly.

"Come and sit." He said gesturing to the couches. Kirsten didn't move.

"I don't need to get comfortable, Sandy. What do you want?"

"We need to talk about this... about us."

"What about us?"

"What's gonna happen?"

"You tell me, Sandy. You're the one who decided tear this family apart so why don't you tell me how this is gonna fix itself?"

"I'm sorry."

"Not enough." She countered.

"What do you want me to do? Whatever it is I'll do it."

"Turn back time? Oh no wait see you CAN'T do that so I guess we're screwed."

"What? No wait a second what about us?"

"As far as I'm concerned there is no us anymore." Kirsten tried to pull the words back before they came out of her mouth but she couldn't. She watched Sandy recoil in shock. His face fell and his eyes filled up. He was stung.

"But I love you." He said softly. Kirsten looked away. She knew if she looked into his eyes she would start to feel some of that love again and she wasn't ready for that yet. She was still hurting. She felt Sandy fall to his knees next to her. He reached for her hand.

"I love you, Kirsten. I love you and everything about you. I love how you reach for me in your sleep and hold on like if you let go you'd never get me back. I love how your nose crinkles when you're thinking about something and how your hair smells when you get out of the shower. I love how you're the worst cook in the world but still try so hard even though you know you're gonna mess it up. I love how you are with Ryan and Seth and I love... I love your soul and how you always follow your heart. I love how you only show me your true feelings. I love how, out every other guy in the world, you chose me. How you took a chance on a down on his luck, law student from the Bronx and gave him everything he'd ever wanted. I love..." Sandy watched as his tears fell onto his and Kirsten's hands. He wrapped his arms around her waist and placed his head on her stomach, "I love you, Kirsten."

"Sandy..."

"Please Kirsten. Please."

"It's over, Sandy."

"No. It can't be. Kirsten, without you I would have nothing. You're what keeps me from going insane. You look after me and make sure I don't screw up. How can it be over." He kneeled next to her and clung on tightly. Kirsten placed her hands on his head and ran her hands through his hair. He continued to sob into her stomach, "How can it be over?" he asked again.

"Because it is." She answered simply.

**R&R**


	8. Gone

**Okay so I gotta admit. I kinda did steal the Ross/Rachel scene in Friends for my last chapter. Sorry! Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 8

Kirsten left her husband in a crumpled heap on the floor. She retreated to the comfort of the pool house. Ryan was lying on the bed with his eyes closed. He had his earphones in. She made her way over to the bed and sat down. That was it. It was over. She had expected to feel something. Some sort of sadness or disappointment. Anything. But there was nothing. She hadn't felt anything but anger toward her husband for over a week now. Maybe it had pushed all her feelings aside and that's all that was left. But then wouldn't she be happy? Or even relieved? She felt totally indifferent to him now. She felt Ryan shift on the other side of the bed, "You okay?" he asked softly. She nodded slightly. Ryan pulled her back until she was lying in his arms. "I know it's gonna be hard but you'll get through this." He said determinedly. Kirsten remained silent. Ryan looked down at a mass of blonde hair and frowned, "Kirsten?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"What happened?"

"It's over." She answered evenly. Ryan felt as though he'd been punched in the stomach. "What?" he answered in shock.

"It's over." She said again. Ryan could hear no trace of regret or sadness in her voice. He was shocked at the monotone of her voice. There was no quiver or sign of upset. He knew that this was hurting her but he couldn't understand why she wasn't showing it anymore. "I'm sorry." She said. Her tone was softer this time. She sat up and turned to face him, "I'm sorry." She repeated.

"About Sandy?"

"Yeah. For you. I mean when you came to stay with us we were taking you away form all of this. Fighting, arguing, broken homes. It was supposed to be different." Kirsten looked away, "I guess you can wrap life up in a pretty package but it's just the same inside." Ryan nodded.

"It's okay." He answered, "I really think we need to find Seth." Kirsten closed her eyes.

"This is gonna kill him."

"Yeah."

* * *

The next day Ryan went into the kitchen to find three large suitcases lined up next to one another. He looked up and saw Sandy rifling through some papers, "What are you doing?" he asked outraged. 

"Leaving." He said simply.

"Why?"

"It's over. The best thing I can do now is getting the hell outta here. I can't stay here with Kirsten. It's not fair on her. Or you for that matter."

"So you're just leaving?"

"Like I said kid it's for the best. I'm sorry."

"No you're not. You say you love Kirsten and this is what you do? You run away?"

"I'm giving her some space. She has to figure out what she wants."

"So where are you going?"

"New York. To see my mom. She's still having chemo and I have to be there for her."

"You didn't wanna be there for her a month ago when she started chemo so what changed? Are you doing this for your mom or for you?"

"Ryan, what are you talking about?"

"I mean. Are you doing this to be there for The Nana or are you doing this to try and make yourself feel better. You cheated on your wife so what other way to gain forgiveness than to look after your cancer ridden mother?"

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH! I am doing this because Kirsten needs to be away from me for a while and my mother needs people around her that she loves and who love her."

"Whatever. Have a good trip." Ryan finished and walked out of the kitchen.

* * *

Sandy tapped on the doors of the pool house. "I'm dressed you can come in!" Kirsten yelled from inside. Sandy pushed the door open slowly before stepping in to find Kirsten applying makeup in her hand mirror. 

"I need to talk to you." He said quietly.

"Sandy, I've said and heard everything I need to."

"No. You haven't heard this."

"What?" Kirsten turned to her husband irritably.

"I'm leaving." Kirsten stared at him open mouthed, "I'm going to New York. To stay with my mom for while before I get my own place." Kirsten's heart skipped a beat.

"You're running away?" she asked unable to believe him.

"No. Not running just flying." He said trying to make a joke but Kirsten didn't laugh. She didn't even smile. She just sighed and looked away. When she turned back he saw her eyes sparkling with tears. He continued, "I am so sorry but I think this would be good for us. It would put everything into perspective."

"Fine." She answered before standing up and marching into the bathroom.

Kirsten sat on the edge of the bath. He was really going. There was a crushing pain in her chest and she could feel an ache in the pit of her stomach. She found herself wiping away tears from her face. Last night she told her husband it was over and she felt nothing now this morning she's hiding in a bathroom crying because he's leaving. She knew herself that she hadn't really come to terms with it last night but now it came down on her like a ton of bricks. She jumped from the bath and raced into the pool house.

He wasn't in there.

She ran out to the kitchen and into the hall.

He was nowhere to be seen.

She pulled the front door open to find only her own car in the driveway. He was gone. She sat down on the front steps and pulled her knees toward her. She had really lost him now. She wanted to hate him. She wanted not to want him but she couldn't. She couldn't deny that she loved him more than anything and she couldn't live without him. Even if that meant forgiving him. She sensed Ryan sitting beside her. He didn't say anything. He simply put his arm around her shoulders and allowed her to rest her head on his shoulder. Maybe this would be good. She could get away from him for a while. Think about what she really wanted. But deep down inside she knew she wanted the one thing she could never have. She would never have her perfect husband again because in the back of her mind he was always the guy who broke her heart. The guy who cheated on her and left. It couldn't go back to normal. She was just going to have to move on.

**Please, please, please R&R**


	9. Found

**Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 9

Kirsten stayed on the step for a while after Ryan left to make coffee. She wondered about running to the airport to get him back. Maybe she could jump in her car and race to the gate. But she decided it was a little too dramatic. The sun was glaring in her eyes so she placed her head on her knees and stared down. Her hands were placed under her legs. That's when she remembered. She didn't know why she hadn't before. She didn't care before but now she felt naked without it. She jumped to her feet and scanned the driveway before she realised that it couldn't be there. "Where is it?" She thought frantically. She couldn't have lost it. She tried to think back to when she last had it. The past two weeks had been a blur. A fusion of sadness and tears. She made her way through the hall never taking her eyes off of the floor. When she reached the kitchen she found Ryan stirring thick coffee in large mugs. "Hey." He greeted softly.

"Uh... I'm just gonna check something." Kirsten said as she ran out to the pool house. Kirsten could feel her eyes brimming with tears. Not once in seventeen years had she taken it off and now it was gone. She checked the drawers in the nightstand and under the bed but it was nowhere to be seen. Her eyes darted about the room in frenzy but with no luck. She sat on the edge of the now unmade bed defeated. Tears cascaded down her cheeks as she stared at the white mark around her finger. The place she used to keep it safe. She felt another surge of adrenaline and she jumped to her feet again. This time she upturned the mattress and ran her hands over the top. She pushed the bed to the side and searched for the gold band. She was positive that it rolled under there that night. But she found nothing but mothballs. She tugged the drawers open and pulled her clothes out wondering whether she had hidden it there one night and forgot about it.

"Kirsten?" She heard a voice coming from the doors of the pool house. Ryan.

"Yeah...? I'm just looking for something."

"What are you looking for?"

"It doesn't matter. It's gone." She answered letting small sobs creep in. She sat down hard where she was and leaned back on the dresser.

"What did you lose?" Ryan asked as he took a seat next to her. Kirsten sighed and wiped away the tears.

"My wedding band." She said quietly. Ryan frowned and tilted his head.

"But I thought it was over?"

"It is I just..."

"Why is it so important to you to find this ring?" Ryan asked inquisitively. Kirsten closed her eyes.

"It's stupid."

"Tell me."

"No."

"I won't laugh." He promised. Kirsten remained silent for a moment before turning to face him.

"Sandy and I were young when we got married. We were still in school and we still had stuff going on. We would spend a lot of time apart what with him always visiting New York and with me looking after my mom because she was sick." Kirsten explained.

"So...?" Ryan pressed.

"So when we were apart the only thing that kept us connected was our wedding rings." Kirsten blushed at her own sentiment, "I told you it was stupid."

"It's not stupid." Ryan reasoned smiling.

"It is stupid. But it is something I've always believed. Like no matter how hard things got or how long we were apart we would always be together. But now..." she trailed off allowing herself to sob into her knees again.

"Hey. It's okay." Ryan pulled her toward him. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head in his shoulder. She shook under his arms. When she pulled away Ryan still held onto her hand.

"Kirsten, you know I'm not really... into words but here goes. You and Sandy will always be together. With or without a wedding ring. It's just a piece of metal. If you're getting yourself so upset over that then you have to ask yourself whether or not you made the right decision. In the meantime... why don't you check that it still fits?" Ryan let her hand go and Kirsten frowned. She looked down and saw a shiny gold band on her finger.

"You had it!" Kirsten punched him hard on the arm but immediately pulled him into a hug. "Where was it?"

"It was on the floor when I came back to a trashed room so I figured I'd better look after it for you."

"Thank you." Kirsten smiled and twisted the ring around her finger.

"You're welcome. Now why don't we tidy this place up? Again." Ryan dodged to avoid Kirsten's fist soaring toward his shoulder again.

* * *

Kirsten hung up the phone and sighed. Takeout. Again. She made a mental note to take up cooking lessons. Ryan flipped through the newspaper and sipped his coffee. "What are we eating?" he asked not taking his eyes off of the paper. Kirsten had grown accustomed to his new routine over the past few days.

"Chinese. Again. Sorry." She apologised and Ryan smirked.

"It's cool."

Kirsten propped herself next to Ryan and began to read the headlines over his shoulder. Ryan frowned as his eyes flickered toward her. She crunched on carrot sticks oblivious to his glare. "I can give it to you when I'm done if you want." He suggested in an irritated tone.

"No it's fine. Just wanted to see the headlines that's all." Ryan continued to read and Kirsten looked around wondering what to do until the food arrived. She knew she didn't want to work even though she hadn't been in for a month and knew she had a ton of work to do. Her eyes wandered toward the piece of paper stuck to the fridge door headed, "Sophie." She read the number again even though she knew it by heart. She'd stared at the piece of paper enough times by now. She heard a thud in the hall and she turned to her left to see if Ryan was still sitting next to her. "What was that?" she asked panicked. Ryan grabbed her hand and pulled her back onto her seat.

"Stay here." He whispered. There was a shuffling noise and a groan. Ryan peered round the doorframe to find a familiar face staring back at him.

"You came back!" Ryan said surprised. Kirsten bounded off of her stool and raced to the doorframe.

"So did you!" another voice answered. Ryan stepped toward him and embraced him warmly, "Good to see you bro." He mumbled.

"You too... Mom hey."

"Hey? Hey is all you have to say to me? WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"Look I'm sorry. Okay just listen to me. I was with The Nana."

"What?" both Ryan and Kirsten said in unison.

"Wow I can see you two have been spending time together," he joked as Ryan and Kirsten looked at each other and back at Seth at the same time.

"Look I sailed to Catalina and decided I was too lazy to go all the way to Tahiti. So... I found a cheap flight to New York and I stayed with her for a while."

"And she didn't think to call?" Kirsten said sternly. She had both hands on her hips and she was staring unblinkingly at her dark haired son.

"I asked her not to. I'm sorry." Seth explained. He looked down at the floor before he felt arms surrounding him. He wrapped his arms around his mother as she tightened her embrace. She didn't want to let go. Her family was almost back together. Maybe this was as whole as it would ever get.

"So where's Dad?" Seth asked looking around the kitchen expecting him to pop out. He saw Ryan avert his eyes toward his mother who had now wrapped her arms around herself. She didn't want him to know. He'd always idolised his father no matter how much he tried to hide it. This would kill him and she knew it. Ryan was the first to speak.

"You didn't see him in New York?"

"Nah man I left yesterday morning." He answered. Kirsten sighed.

"You must have crossed paths." She reasoned.

"Why's Dad in New York? Is Nana okay?"

"Yeah she's fine." Kirsten spoke up.

"So why...?"

"Your father and I... we're taking some time part." Seth stared at them both open mouthed as Kirsten and Ryan exchanged glances.

"Why?"

"He... made a mistake."

"Mistake?" Seth asked now annoyed at the knowing glimpses between his mother and brother.

"Yeah."

"What mistake?"

"Rachel." Kirsten finished. Seth recoiled back in shock. He shook his head and walked away from them both before turning back at a quicker pace.

"No. You're lying. He wouldn't"

"Well he did." Ryan answered more harshly than he'd intended. He felt Kirsten place her hand on his arm to calm him down, "Ryan." She said softly. Ryan stepped away from Seth and allowed Kirsten to explain the situation.

* * *

Kirsten sat at the kitchen island. She had two of her boys back. The third one was gone. Even if he returned to Newport she could never fully forgive him. Even if she could she wasn't sure Seth or Ryan would be able to. He didn't only betray her. He had let down everyone in the family. The past two days had been a mix of emotions. She wanted him back one minute and the next she didn't believe she could ever take him back. Perhaps it was the reaction from Seth that hit her the hardest. It was pure disappointment and let down. Just as she was about to pick up the phone Seth came into the kitchen, "Hey." He greeted. He went into the refrigerator and pulled out a juice box, "Want one?" he offered.

"No thanks." She smiled.

"I'm sorry mom. About Dad. About running away. About everything."

"I know. Thank you." Kirsten motioned to the stool next to her and Seth sat down. She held out the phone to him. "Call your father." She said evenly.

"No way. You think I'm gonna talk to him after what he's done?"

"Seth. This is between your father and me. I get that you're angry but he's your dad."

"I don't care. He betrayed you."

"Please don't hate him for me. He's a good dad. He just messed up. He didn't mean to hurt you."

"Did he mean to hurt you?" Seth asked. Kirsten hesitated for a moment.

"No." she admitted.

"So why can't you call him?"

"Because it's different. At least let him know you're okay."

"He's with The Nana. She'll have told him." He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, "Night mom." He ignored her protests as he made his way up the stairs.

**Please, please, please R&R**


	10. Time

**So this is it. The last chapter. I didn't know how I wanted to leave it but I hope I made the right decision. Thanks for all the reviews they were amazing and totally spurred me to continue with this fic. This is actually my favourite fic that I've written so the fact that you all like it so much is great.**

**Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 10

Kirsten hung up the phone. She was close to tears. It was hard telling a father that his sons didn't want to talk to him.

"Sandy?"

"Yeah. Kirsten?" a gruff voice answered on the other end. Kirsten realised she had woken him up.

"Sorry to wake you."

"No. It's fine. How are you?"

"I'm... I was just calling to..."

"Look Kirsten. I'm sorry."

"I know."

"I mean for leaving. I didn't want to abandon you I just..."

"I know. Look Sandy... It's about Seth. He's home."

"When?" Kirsten sensed a quiver of panic in his tone. Kirsten frowned.

"Didn't The Nana tell you?"

"Yeah she did. Sorry I should've called and told you I just figured that he'd be home already. When did he arrive home?"

"About two hours ago. He's okay. Just tired." Kirsten explained. There was silence on the other end of the phone, "Sandy? Are you there?"

"Yeah I was just... did you tell him?" This time it was Kirsten who remained silent, "Kirsten?"

"Yeah. I mean he was asking where you were and I..."

"He has a right to know."

"Exactly. Look I'm sorry if you wanted to tell him yourself but..."

"It's okay." Sandy said softly, "Can I talk to him?"

"Well... I think he's asleep he had a long journey." Kirsten tried to think of an excuse.

"It's okay." Kirsten could hear Sandy's voice lower, "What about Ryan?"

"Sandy..." Kirsten said softly, "Please you have to give them time."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Kirsten?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you ever forgive me?" Kirsten closed her eyes before answering.

"I'll call if anything happens. And I'll talk to the boys."

"Thank you." Sandy said defeated, "Bye Kirsten."

"Bye Sandy." Kirsten slammed the phone down before he could realise that she was crying. She hated to think that she could never forgive him. She prayed to God that she would but she wasn't there yet. Maybe with time. She wiped her tears away and headed out to the pool house. She found Ryan coming out of the bathroom, "Hey."

"Hey." Ryan answered smiling, "It's good that he's back huh?"

"Yeah it's good to know both my boys are safe." Kirsten smiled. Ryan sat down on the bed and pulled off his socks.

"I was just gonna go to bed but..."

"Oh right sorry! I'll just uh... sleep well." Kirsten flustered and made for the door.

"Kirsten. I was just gonna ask if you wanted to talk to me about something. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I guess. It's just that... I know that you're mad at Sandy but he's the closest thing to a Dad that you've got and that didn't come out the way I wanted it to. Look, Sandy, he's a good dad. He just screwed up. He didn't mean to hurt you. Please don't shut him out. He loves you." Kirsten saw Ryan's expression change to surprise, "Hey don't be so shocked. It's true. We both love you." She said laughing. Ryan smiled again.

"Yeah and I guess I love you both too."

"So you'll talk to him?"

"Yeah but only cause' you asked me too." Ryan stretched out on his bed and pulled the blankets around him. Kirsten leaned over and switched off his light. She placed a kiss on his forehead, "Night Ryan."

"Night Kirsten."

As Kirsten left the pool house she felt like she was walking on air. That was the first time Ryan had admitted his feelings for his place in the family. She found Seth standing by the doors. He had been listening to them.

"Seth. Were you eavesdropping?"

"Maybe. Look. I was listening to you guys and... I think I'll call Dad in the morning. Doesn't mean that I'm not still pissed about his sordid little affair but... he's my dad."

"The only one you got." Kirsten reminded him. Seth smiled and threw his arms over his mother's shoulder. Kirsten wrapped her arm around his waist, "I'm so glad you're home. I missed you so much."

"Yeah and I missed you. And Newport! Can you believe it?" Seth ranted on about New York until he had escorted his mother to her bedroom. "Night mom." He said as he wrapped his arms around her. Kirsten kissed him on the cheek.

"Night baby."

* * *

It was strange to sleep in an empty bed. She had slept alone before but she had always known that Sandy would be joining her later when he got home from work. She felt so small curled up on the left side of the bed. She reached her hand over to the right and grazed the top of the sheet with her hand. She slid over slightly until her head was next to his pillow. She could smell him in the sheets and pillowcase. It was a mix of salt water and coffee. She had always loved his smell. It made her miss him more. She slid over until she was on his side. She buried her head in the pillow and drifted off to sleep. 

Kirsten woke the next morning with Seth lying next to her, "Morning sleepy head."

"Morning honey." Kirsten sat up and saw Ryan on the end pf the bed, "Okay this is kinda creepy. Were you watching me sleep or something?"

"Only for an hour or so." Seth said sarcastically.

"So what's up?" she asked stifling a yawn.

"Yes Ryan what is up?" Seth said turning to Ryan who was shooting him glares from the bottom of the bed. Ryan sighed before answering.

"He's coming back."

"Who?" Kirsten asked stupidly.

"Dad. Ryan and I talked to him this morning and he said it was a mistake leaving so he's coming back." Seth said in one breath before finishing, "Today."

"Today?" she said incredulously. Ryan and Seth nodded in unison.

"He said he'd stay at a motel until he can find somewhere else." Ryan informed.

"When's he getting in?"

"One."

"This afternoon?" She checked the time and saw that it was midday. How did she manage to sleep that long?

"Yeah."

"Okay." Kirsten paused. She swung her kegs out of bed and headed for the shower. She turned it on full and stepped inside allowing the water to slowly heat up. She let the water beat onto her back as she imagined Sandy in a seedy motel room. Like that one by the pier. The shellfish... the dolphin? She couldn't remember. But they were all the same. She remembered when she had stayed in one with Jimmy in Tijuana. There were cockroaches and fleas. There was no hot water or heating. She knew it wouldn't be that bad but she couldn't get the images out of her mind. She stepped out of the shower and dried off before pulling on her robe. She thought back to the night before he left. How pathetic he'd looked. She knew how sorry he was. She knew he loved her and that she loved him. It was twelve fifteen.

As she blow-dried her hair she stared at her wedding photo propped up on the dresser. She had never looked so happy. It reminded her of the New Year photo. It was torn to pieces now. Sandy's hand was placed firmly around her waist and he was staring into her eyes. Kirsten was obviously posing for the photo but Sandy didn't have a care in the world as he fixed his eyes on his new wife. Kirsten jumped to her feet and searched the room for clothes. Any clothes. She found an old wife beater that she had borrowed from Ryan a few weeks ago. She tugged it over her head and reached for a pair of Sandy's sweatpants. Her hair was still soaking wet so she scraped it back and secured it with a hair band. She grabbed her car keys and raced out of the room. Twelve twenty five.

She drove in frenzy through Newport toward John Wayne Airport. Maybe she'd make it.

Of course she could forgive him. Maybe not fully. Maybe not immediately. But with time she knew she could. Eventually.

She missed him. She missed holding his hand. She missed holding on to him through the night. She missed his smile and having his shoulder to cry on. She missed staying up all night and watching old movies with him. She missed being held in his arms and how he wouldn't let go until he knew she was okay. Most of all she missed the way he made her feel. Treasured, cared for, loved. She needed to be near him. She needed to know that he's there for her and that his love is unconditional. She wished things didn't have to change but she knew that they would.

She reached the airport and parked her car. It was 1.05. She wasn't too late. She ran into the lounge and scanned the screens for his flight. It had landed at 12.55. There was still enough time. Gate 19. She found where she was going and headed in that direction pushing past people and ignoring their protests. Thoughts swirled around her head. She wondered if she was making a mistake. What if he did it again? Was it too soon? Was two weeks too soon? She pushed those thought out of her mind as she approached the gate.

She saw him. His shock of black hair was mused and ruffled. His face was still, if not more, pale and drawn. He looked like he was going to burst into tears at any moment.

As Sandy made his way through the crowd he looked up and saw her pushing through the traffic of people. He couldn't believe his eyes. She was dressed in one of Ryan's beaters and a pair of old sweatpants. Her hair was soaked and stuck to her head. When they reached each other he realised she had never looked so beautiful. "Sandy." She said as she grabbed his hand to pull herself past a tall businessman.

"Kirsten! What are...?" Kirsten put her finger to his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pulled him down toward her and kissed him softly on the lips. When she pulled back she saw tears prickling in his eyes. He grinned widely.

"Does this mean?"

"Yes. Look it's not gonna go back to normal straight away but... I'll try." She pulled him down again and brushed her lips against his. He buried his head in her shoulder and she whispered in his ear, "I love you."

fin.

**Okay so it wasn't the best ending. I apologise. I just couldn't leave them broken up. It would be too much for my poor heart. Well I hope you liked it and that you'll leave a review.**


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